Someone Told Me To Go F*ck Myself Today

Someone told me to go fuck myself today.

That’s not really what they said, but that’s what they meant.

They couched it in a passive-aggressive statement — all nice-like, but ultimately turning back toward the end of their spiel, telling me something that was the complete opposite of what I wanted to hear.

That’s a problem with this generation. It will be a problem with the next one too, if that one says anything at all.

Nobody says what they mean anymore. Nobody talks in plain language. Nobody knows how to just come out and say:

“I’m not interested.”

What people do now is dance around a subject, lead you on, play with your emotions. They do this out of fear — fear that one day you might come back and destroy them.

Not literally. But like, you know, they might need you for something down the line. And heaven forbid you harbor a grudge.

“Don’t take it personal,” they’ll say. But you’re a person. You take everything personally.

There’s an awkward verbal joust we’ve all become accustomed to. We use soft, non-descriptive language to convey actual human emotions. Everything is phrased like a question, even when we’re giving an answer.

It’s not nice. It’s not even helpful. It’s more offensive than actually, you know, being offensive. It’s just a way of saying a whole bunch of nothing, really.

As a result, nobody gets what they want.

About ten years ago I met a manager in the music industry. He was a very big time guy then, an even bigger time guy now. One of the few people, I’d say, who could make someone’s life change over night.

And he was the biggest fucking dickhead I ever met. Or, at least I thought he was. Because he was not nice at all. If you sucked, he would tell you — “This sucks.”

He would say, “Not good. This is A, B and C. Needs to be like X, Y and Z. Come back with X, Y and Z, and we’ll talk”

And I might argue, make my case. But he was so hard-headed. No matter what I said, he stood firm. He knew what he wanted to hear, and did not care about anything otherwise.

If he hurt your feelings — good — fuck your feelings.

I grew to really love this manager and deeply admire his approach to work and life. In the past decade, I’ve watched him become a millionaire many times over, and be responsible for some of the most important, most celebrated music in history.

Meanwhile, all the big talkers I know, the people who don’t know what they want, don’t know to tell people exactly how they feel about something, they’ve come and gone. Talk to them today, they’re doing the same shit they were doing ten years ago.

Most importantly, I’ve watched this manager make other people wildly successful. How? By letting people naturally learn from being around him — be precise, be meticulous, be direct. Know exactly what you want, then just fucking do it.

None of this pussy-footing around, saying one thing but meaning another. That doesn’t get anything done. It mostly wastes time and makes everyone silently very angry.

Written by

Wrote for the New York Times, New York Magazine, Esquire, Rolling Stone, Vice, Fader, Vibe, XXL, MTV News, many other places.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store