Please Shut Up About Bill Simmons

Something happened to Bill Simmons last week. He got fired. Or something.

The internet doesn’t know anything, but keeps telling me everything — except what happened to Bill Simmons.

His contract didn’t get renewed. Or he wanted too much money.

Who knows. Who cares.

You don’t know anything, but you keep telling me everything, which is really nothing at all.

Bill Simmons is a popular writer. You are not a popular writer. You have lots of opinions about Bill Simmons because you are unpopular, not because he is popular.

If you were not unpopular, would you really care about popular Bill Simmons?

If you had Bill Simmons life, but were actually still yourself — except, you were on television, podcasts and had bestselling books, but like, as you, not Bill Simmons— would you really mind the mere existence of Bill Simmons that much?

Bill Simmons is very successful and many people seem to enjoy Bill Simmons.

Something happened with Bill Simmons. Nobody knows what happened with Bill Simmons.

Please, shut up about Bill Simmons.

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Wrote for the New York Times, New York Magazine, Esquire, Rolling Stone, Vice, Fader, Vibe, XXL, MTV News, many other places.

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