No I Do Not Want to Leave A Review For Your Business

I had some work done on my house recently. It was fairly standard stuff, a small repair. When it was done, I told the company to email a receipt.

I opened the email only to find that the company had asked — if I was satisfied, would I mind leaving a review? I could do this on Google or Yelp, it didn’t matter. What mattered is that I left a review.

Over the past decade, small businesses have gone to great lengths asking clients or patrons to leave reviews. What started with restaurants, coffee shops and hotels has extended to exterminators, carpenters and electricians.

It’s like everywhere you turn now someone asks you to leave them a review.

On the one hand, I understand it. Like Rotten Tomatoes has done to movies, Google Reviews and Yelp have done to small businesses. People invariably don’t know who to call for service, or where to go for brunch. They simply turn to the companies and establishments who are best-reviewed.

On the other hand, reviews don’t write themselves. And when someone asks me to leave a review— I think it’s only right to ask for a discount. Say it takes me a half hour to write a review, maybe an hour. Time is money and, well, I’ve already paid for the service; so isn’t that hour, technically, one that I am not being compensated for.

A discount on future services would only even things out.

And, I have certainly written reviews. If a company provides such a pleasant experience that I think they deserve a positive referral, sure, I have no problem giving it. If they’re a small business, a company that could really use whatever little boost I can give them, I’m down.

Similarly, if a company is heavily-referred and gushed over, then offers me a bad experience, I am also more likely to leave a review — this time a negative one. People should be informed when something or someone is all hype. A review can save them time, money and effort. With this, I feel I am helping my fellow man.

But, if everything is just so-so and I am merely getting a cup of coffee somewhere, do I really need to review this place? I mean, seriously. And businesses now pester everyone with this crap. If you like our service, leave a review, leave a review, leave a review.

Okay, you got me, I’ll leave you a review. Here it is — 1 Star, and how about you just leave me the fuck alone? Thanks, will come again.

Written by

Wrote for the New York Times, New York Magazine, Esquire, Rolling Stone, Vice, Fader, Vibe, XXL, MTV News, many other places.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store