Blanca “Even At My Worst” Is A Great Anthem for Powering Through

Paul Cantor
2 min readOct 27, 2021

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I was driving home from somewhere unimportant yesterday when I flipped the radio dial to 95.5. In New York, that used to be WPLJ, which played a lot of adult-oriented rock. But I had somehow missed the memo that, in 2019, after fifty years of rock, the station was sold. It subsequently changed its call letters to KLOVE, and its format to Christian music.

Not that it mattered to me. Music is music. So I listened for a bit and there were quite a few duds. But then this track, by Blanca, called “Even At My Worst,” came on. I was really taken by the song — its production, foremost, but also the lyrics, which are clearly about God, but could be applied to, literally, anything.

If I’m being honest
I didn’t think You’d stay with all my problems
I was so afraid that when You saw them
You would turn Your back on me and leave

Cause in the silence
My insecurities are like a siren
Taking over me and I can’t hide them
Even then You see the best in me
That I can’t see

…Even at my worst You love me

Co-written by Isabella Sjöstrand and Anton Göransson, Blanca was said to have been inspired to write the song by a difficult divorce, and the passing of her parents.

“I walked through a divorce in 2019 that left me feeling broken and insecure about my own self-worth,” she told KLOVE. “It’s from that rock bottom that I was able to experience God’s goodness in such a real way.”

I found the feeling of surrender in the lyrics empowering, and the belief that, even in our lowest moments, there is something or someone out there that loves us, reassuring. Sometimes, that’s just the message you need to hear.

If you liked this article, please consider pre-ordering my first book: “Most Dope: The Extraordinary Life of Mac Miller,” in stores January 18th, 2022.

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Paul Cantor
Paul Cantor

Written by Paul Cantor

Wrote for the New York Times, New York Magazine, Esquire, Rolling Stone, Vice, Fader, Vibe, XXL, MTV News, many other places.

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